Archive for June, 2011


Before and After a First Date – As Told Through Text Messaging

June 14, 2011

Recently, a six foot tall bisexual woman asked me out. We emailed back and forth a couple of times before our conversation moved to texting. Here are the text messages.

L: Hi nick, tis [name redacted]. Smith looks cool and chillish for parking, both good things. How’s your day?

N: Hi there [name redacted]. My day is going great. How’s your day going? Shall we say 7?

L: 7 is perfect. :) my day is going well just about an hour left of work and I’m rocking out to some good tunes :)

N: Very nice. I just have a few more minutes before I sneak out of here. I have a few errands to run. Not really glamorous. :)

L: Nice nice. Do you work on the hill too? I actually just looked at an apt right by Smith. But, it was toooo tiny.

[I want to interject here. Don’t you think the “:)” is a great way to flirt with someone who you just been introduced to?]

N: Ha Really. Don’t give up. I live about four or so blocks away from smith. And I work on first hill right next to Swedish. So it is pretty close to home. I have a big place with cheap rent. I don’t know how it happened. Good luck I guess.

L: Wow thats awesome. Sounds like a great set up you’ve got yourself there! Ya the apt was on 15th and olive. I like that area and the Madrona area.

N: Ooh madrona is nice too!

L: Mhm very pretty :) but Ballard is my true love. I think. We’ll see :)

N: Ballard is more like my mistress. We have hot and steamy time together. Then I go months without visiting. I hope you enjoy your class tonight.

L: Haha, you better watch out, I hear ballard’s got a new man and his name is Interbay. Ow ow! How can you compete with THAT?!

N: Interbay will never put a ring on it. He’s too busy playing golf. :)

[Did I really just quote a Beyonce song? Oh Boy.]

L: True. I hear he also plays it coy with that uppity looker Magnolia ;)

[She just gave me a “;)” Always a good sign.]

N: Lol. Magnolia is a tease. With her good views and inherited wealth.

L: She is rather prudish isn’t she. So then, that brings us back to Capitol Hill as your long-term best lady?

N: I guess so. Cap hill is just edgy enough to keep things interesting. And also has a stable vibrant core for the everyday. I’ll never leave her.

L: She seems to cast a sense of fierce loyalty over most of her many… many men. Many many.

N: Lol. Though I wonder if she is like the sirens in the odyssey luring me to rocky destruction.

L: Probably! Don’t look at her womanly charms! Resist! Or just give in. I’m sure you’ll have much more fun that way haha.

N: How was your class last night. Looking forward to tonight. Call if something comes up. See you later!

L: Class went well, its a lot to learn! I’m looking forward to tonight also, 7 at Smith ya? Just double checking! Ill be the tall girl in the blue dress.

N: Yes. See you at 7 at smith :)

L: Work is owning me today. I need a drink. Wanna meet at Smith in 30? ;)

[I waited a few minutes trying to decide if she was being serious. Mind you this is at 1:30 p.m. – only a few hours before our date.]

N: Ha! Hard work will make the drink be even better tonight!!!

L: Its just frustrating work more than anything. Time to pull out the ol thigh flask

N: Ha. Sounds like my work this morning. We’ll have to compare. Thigh flask. Hot. :)

L: her there, sorry but could we make it 7:30? I got held up at work and still need to run home.. with traffic and all…

N: Sure thing. That is better for me too!

L: Awesome. See you soon. :)

L: Bah… traffic… looking to be hopefully no later than 7:45.. sorry! That ok?

N: Hey no worries. Take your time.

L: Sitting on 520 :(

N: It happens. It will be clearer when they start tolling. :)

[I am such a douche. Am I really making a transportation tolling comment?]

L: Haha. Thanks for being chill. Ill let u know when I’m close.

N: K.

L: Hey I’m driving up 10th

N: Cool. I have a table.

L: K walking be right there.

[The following text came at 8:30 the next morning.]

L: Hey Nick, it was fun getting to know you a little last night! Let me know if you ever wanna check out a movie or a show or… chicken class(!?) with me, no pressure, as friends :)

N: I had fun too. Good luck out there.